Scene 1. Woman & Bear

why are you, a bear, in my dream?

I’m a bear, I can’t speak

you are speaking, & you’re being snotty, or wry

[silence]

you are a bear & you’re tearing the guts out of a dead bear in my dream

guy’s gotta eat

so you’re a guy

guy is a gender-free term in my vocabulary

sorry, that’s my line

[silence]

I’m eating cashews at 9 am in the morning because I feel a lack of something

like the lack of a bear in your life?

right, like I need a dirty, smelly, large, dangerous animal in my life

everyone needs one, more than that, everyone has one

my dirty smelly animal is my body that has been decrepit since I was a 12-yr-old child

you sure have spent a lot of time faking it, pretending you were clean, neat, pretending you were healthy, pretending you weren’t in pain, limping, bleeding, peeing & shitting your pants, falling over

whereas you wear your degenerate filth right up front — I’ve only seen a bear in person once & it was a juvenile, far enough away that I couldn’t smell it or experience its filth, but you’re a full grown bear, umpteen years of filth accumulation, do you ever bathe?

I love to swim, as you well know, swimming to a bear is like showering to a human

humans use soap, well, most humans use soap, I barely use soap, my skin’s not happy with soap, besides, I’m so clean, I don’t need soap except at my pits & nether orifices

what about the glop you discovered in your eyes as you were driving down to the field trip yesterday, you fingered that out right smartly before a stranger could find out you were a drippy old lady who doesn’t wash her face in the morning

yep, that I did, & I behaved quite nicely to the field trip leader, nicely to the point of boring him, at least gauged by his frequent lack of response, he was polite, he thought I was a mildly tedious old lady (or he thought something else entirely, how would I know?), he had no idea I am secretly a dirty smelly bear

aha, so now you’re claiming you’re the bear, now that you’ve insulted me, insinuated that I might be male

no, that was you called yourself a guy, & I’m the one who says guy is gender free

must we talk about gender? why is it relevant? can’t we just talk about humans & bears?

ok, why were you tearing the guts out of that bear

it was there, no one had torn the guts out yet, I was hungry, actually I killed that bear in a ferocious fight, I might have been the bear on the ground getting eaten

how did you win?

the fight went on for so long I can’t remember, might have been a third party intervention, I’m a fine combatant, but I often don’t show up for the win

why not?

let’s see, 1) I get bored, 2) I might lose 3) it’s very hard taking something dead seriously, as in fight to the death, after all, life is a dream, life is not real, at any moment you can wake up & start over

I don’t suppose you’d think that if you were the bear dead on the ground

if I were the bear dead on the ground, I wouldn’t think at all, I’d be dead

did it taste good?

everything tastes good to a bear, we just pretend it’s honey

not much tastes good to me, that’s why I don’t eat much, that & I don’t want to gain weight, I don’t want to be a large person, I want to be small, invisible, anonymous

believe me, bears are anonymous, we are large, dark, & dangerous, no one cares who we are as individuals

no one cares who old people are as individuals either, so we’re equal there

that’s horseshit, & you know it — numerous people care about you as an individual, & they take the time to show it

yeah, yeah, yeah, once a week, maybe, Ben or Esther calls with Tova, once a month Matt texts — my friends are here, ok, this is what it boils down to, I’m used to having a one & only, most of my life I’ve had a one & only, now I’m too old, & there is unlikely to be another one & only, so get used to it, knucklehead

that’s why you dreamed about a bear eating another bear, cause you want a large dirty uncontrollable wild creature cause you think you can tame it & you have done so, have managed to tame someone three times, & then something happens, you find out they’re not enough or they’re too much or they’re the wrong one, they have you trapped, or they don’t pay enough attention, wait, I’m losing my thread, how is this related to dreaming about a bear?

who knows? a bear would be an exotic pet, maybe a one & only is no better than an exotic pet until you get tired of it, & then it’s just a dirty old bear

so you rip its guts out

food is food

nope, that’s my line, guy

it’s been real

no, it’s been dream

right

American Sonnet for My Past and Future Assassin
by Terrance Hayes

If you have never felt what is fluid

In a woman run warm along your thighs
And testicles, Mister Trumpet if you do not know
The first man was in fact a woman whose clit
Grew so swollen with longing it hung like a finger
Pointing toward the lover stirring her meadows

Mister Trumpet what the fuck do you know

You are lonely because you could never unhitch

Your mother’s terrifying radiant woe

I mean my mother here she the crazy bitch in me
She the way I weep she the way I break she manly

Trumpet I can’t speak for you but men like me

Who have never made love to a man will always be

Somewhere in the folds of our longing ashamed of it